Why I'm not ashamed to be proud of my life

At the peak!

I'm proud of my life so far. Yes, I said it. I'm proud of it.

The learning, the pursuits, my friends, dedication to ideas and ideals. No more subscribing to the false modesty that society has foisted upon each individual, naming you as a braggart and a fool if you dare to feel satisfied with your accomplishments. I want to show my appreciation for what I have experienced and also battled, both alone and with companionship. For those in other spheres of the earth, who barely have enough to take care of their families, the eternal lamenting of those who live a comfortable life with a guaranteed future must jar. So I'm going a different way.

Stitching up a wound

In the year 2008 I began working with the RSPCA, a charity that undertakes multiple supportive actions towards animal care in the UK. They investigate (and prosecute, if necessary) cases of animal cruelty and neglect, rescue wild animals, provide subsidized treatment to pets with owners unable to afford private practice veterinary care and run re-homing programmes for domestic animals such as cats and dogs that have found themselves without an owner. I was so excited to be able to work for them. An amazing organization, struggling with funding, doing its best. I worked in one of their hospitals for many years, eventually training as a veterinary nurse under their training programme. I will always be grateful for the sheer amount of front line experience I gained with them, working in a high stress environment. Every shift in a hospital with approximately 100 animals, 30+ procedures a day, running around the clock. The people in the hospitals have so much more experience than you could imagine, simply due to the amount of work happening within the hospital. That does not touch on the other work that the RSPCA undertakes, but it is the side that I have personal experience of. And something I am so, so proud to have been a part of.

Out in the mountains

In the year 2012, I thought back on my free time, then mostly occupied by hour after hour of films and games. I realized, I barely remembered a moment of it. The screams and shots and blood, so much coding or corn syrup, depending on the medium. It all blurred into one and my life felt like it could slip away so easily like that. I decided at that point to embrace the outdoors. And I began running. I had dabbled here and there with some other pursuits, but I was still barely able to run up stairs. Unable to do one push up. Moulded by hours of sitting, one hand gripped onto a hobnob, the other a controller, I finally realized how weak my body was becoming.

I went out to Hampstead Heath with a good friend of mine to try my first stint at running. To say that I was terrible is a definite understatement. With her cries of encouragement ringing in my ears, I stop-started for about an hour, sweat dripping and one eye on the wobbly horizon I was fairly sure I would never reach. This friend was patient and kind and a little bossy – exactly what I needed at that moment. And even though I ended the session hobbling after my bad form eventually took its toll, the running bug had bitten me! And even more exciting, the outdoor bug in general.

Meeting the locals in Wales

So here's something you may not know about me. I am a terrible flake. I bounce from place to place, activity to activity, trying to see and do it all. When I looked at the possibilities that lay out there for those with more physical capacity, I'm fairly sure the gold piles reflected visibly in both my eyes. Sun dappled forests covered in bluebells. Wild and windy mountain climbs. Beautiful lakes stretching away from me, their inviting surface hiding the freezing waters underneath. Warm fires and food, looking out over another unique town, friends by my side. All these things and so, so much more I have experienced. And I experienced it all simply by realizing that it was out there. That the cities are only our little tents in the corner of the garden, near our house of safety. And the farther you wander from your house and your tent, the more spectacular you realize the world can be.

The friends I've made, often those who themselves revel in travel and exploration, came on many of these journeys with me. Traveling in a team, offsetting each others weaknesses and protecting each other. Never leaving anyone. In a heartbeat, you will also need the hand up – and you know they will be there for you then.

I've tried my hand at many things, and yes I am most definitely a master at none. But I want to be the person you know will say 'Let's do it!' when you propose your idea. I want to suspend my caution, and jump into the depths of life. So far I've tried running, climbing, caving, trekking, ice climbing, open water diving, Krav Maga, parkour, acroyoga, slacklining, wing walking on a plane and more. Yes I've almost died more than once. Usually due to my own stupidity when trekking on dangerous paths. But I don't want to die in my sleep. I want to die awake, in the natural world, whilst I'm trying to live. To my friends I'd say 'Remember that if I die before you die'.

Intubation practice

However, this grasping of life, spinning yourself into a place of sweat and struggle, fear and wonder, only soothes your own soul. It is seductive, and primal, something I will never give up. But there is more happening in the world than that. Others, suffering, war, famine, terrorism. After a while I realized that I did nothing towards that. I strode past others with no regard, high on my day, and forgot them in a microsecond. At that point I knew that I needed to do something else, something to help the human world, to be part of it. On that day a spark began smouldering; a tiny little idea. 'What if I became a paramedic?'. They are often the first people to arrive to help in an emergency situation. They have helped me in the past, as they have with most city dwellers. I can't think of many professions that are so involved with the worst conditions of humanity, drug addiction, pain and fear, injury, aggression, death. And by standing amongst the lowest points and helping to alleviate that, I could actually make a difference to others.

This year I have taken the plunge. I have applied and been accepted to University, I am working hard to pass an entry qualification I need to attain (please wish me luck!). I have gained experience within St John Ambulance, acting as a first aider to those who need medical assistance. I have sat in a nursing home with ladies and gents as frail as windblown cloth, talking and helping them eat and painting nails. I still have steps to take and exams to pass and experience to gain before I can make this a reality. Because I won't give up.

And that's what I'm most proud of.

Flatt7