The Earphone Dilemma

A couple of days ago after a short run, I was stretching happily to the dulcet tones of Evanescence (don’t judge me!) in my local park when a couple of guys approached me. I was in a sort of ungainly squat, about to belt out the talky section of ‘Wake me up’ as they did so, and I could see one of them was talking to me. I pulled one earphone out to make out what he was saying.

“That’s right” he said, nudging his companion as though they had discovered a dog walking on his hind legs and talking. “You warm up”

“Oh” I said. “No, i’m cooling down”.

Now i’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t blessed with the world’s best social skills, but it didn’t seem like there was much more to say that than. So as I replaced my earphone and began to squat back down, I was surprised to see he was still talking to me.  I took my earphone out again.

“Oh you’re cooling down, are you?” He said with some apparent irritation.

“Um, yes?..”

“Well.” He said “Don’t mind me. Didn’t mean to offend you.”

At this point I am so bewildered, his response such as if I said “No, you fucking moron, can’t you see i’m COOLING DOWN!? Jesus!” I take a clear look and see they both have open cans of lager and I wonder if this has something to do with it.

“That’s ok. You didn’t offend me, just sort of in a rhythm. “ I try to smile, although i’m thinking about the heartfelt ballad that i’m missing out on. I also become aware that i’m still in a semi squat, which must be rendering the situation extremely odd to the casual onlooker. The men start muttering to each other, and finally move off.

This is not the same thing as a friendly greeting from other runners. They don’t want to dilly dally around and talk either. A nod and a breathless “Morning!” is all anyone expects whether running or stretching. I have to say when I first began running, I couldn’t have responded to any greetings. I was so gripped in a hot head fog of pounding heart and dying lungs I could barely even hear them. But as I became fitter, not only did I return passing greetings or acknowledgments, but I instigated them. Even with headphones on, you can flash a quick smile and greeting. Some people respond to you, and some don’t.  I don’t expect a conversation and I certainly am not going to make someone stop what they’re doing to explain to me why they didn’t answer me! I think this is a sort of universal understanding amongst those who go out to train with earphones in, and something not understood by anyone who spends every Wednesday afternoon wandering around their local park trying to find someone to mock.

So here’s the thing. I love training socially. I go to classes and I run with friends. If i’m running a race, I chat to those running around me, and love the camaraderie of helping each other the obstacles and motivating anyone who may need it (which oftentimes is me!). But if i’m out on my own, and I have my music cranked up to the max in my ears, it means please leave me alone! I’m doing my own thing, i’m in my own zone, and I really don’t want to have to interrupt what i’m doing just to feed your slight amusement that i’m training! Although please tell me if I dropped my hat. I love my hat.

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Parkour Generations Weekend Wakeup class



Handstand exercise (Those are my feet far right!)

Today, inspired by how energetic I felt immediately after running The Demon Run in Bracknell, I looked up the location of the weekend wake up class run by Parkour Generations, and then headed off to Kilburn to take advantage of the cold weather.

There were about 7 people overall, and two trainers. We started off with a light jog to the training spot (which I welcomed due to the fact that it was absolutely Baltic!). Then, after a few joint rotations, we began warming up in earnest! The route was a flat sprint area along, some steps up, another sprint area and then a slope down. We went round this route several times with a different variation of movement on the non sprint areas each time. So forward monkey walk, backwards monkey walk (very difficult up the steps!), then sideways movement. Then we all repositioned at the bottom of the steps, and two teams of three did a relay race of backwards monkey walk. First we did it normally, and then with our eyes closed. Although we did win this, I felt really bad as my knees kept sinking to the steps (damn you arm strength!), so it probably helped a little bit.

Next we were practicing precision jumps. First two were left and then right foot starting just onto the pavement verge, and the second two were this but landing on top of the bollard. We got the chance to do this over and over again, but were only allowed to count the ones where all four were in control and we could stick the landing. Initially I was frightened about slipping on the bollards. I stood over one and did a little check that a slip with a foot on either side wouldn’t end up with a nasty surprise. It all looked good. It took me almost the whole of the time allowed to get my ten, but I did it! As I was finishing, the more experienced members of the group had moved onto a sort of hop, skip and jump onto the bollard.

Time for traversing! We moved over to the thick railing nearby, and split up into ability groups for our traversing tasks. Initially I was just trying to contract myself in and hold myself on the railing. Then I managed to do some traverses left and right. Had to take my gloves off for this, as I had no bloody grip at all! At my level of training, it was just enough to try and stay on and work my arm muscles. But I did get one good traverse in, without even stopping. When I got to the end I realised the coach had been watching me, yeah! Normally when i'm watched, I immediately fail, no matter how good I was getting on before! So pretty chuffed at that!

 The final task was striding and jumping up onto the wall, with balance, and trying to land both feet simultaneously. I saw others completely bypassing the wall and getting on the rail like supermen. I’ve definitely got my eye on that skill!

We did a little core strength work, including some handstands, then we all stretched out. I have to say my wrists were feeling it! Then, spontaneously, there was a massive group hug! I’m not even kidding, very funny, and I love the fact that everyone is so energetic even at the end of the class. After such a challenging (for me) class, my plans to go swimming went out the window, and I headed home to sleep for 3 hours instead!

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Tough Mudder Training

Today I woke up, and it hit me. It’s less than two months until I will be taking on the toughest challenge of my entire life – the Tough Mudder. Ever since I signed up for this in early November 2012, I have been watching the approaching date with burgeoning dread and abject fear. But also with the knowledge that I am going to do everything in my power before the day comes to not be one of the unfortunate people that are carted off of the field by civilian ambulance crews, or found lying hypothermia-bound by the side of the ice dip. As soon as I signed up, I went onto the Tough Mudder obstacle page, and tailored my training around it. Here, if you’re interested, is my game plan.

Running

 

A staple of course! The Tough Mudder is roughly 20 kilometres long, and if you don’t know how to run long distance, it’s going to take you a loooong time. The recommendation for these types of obstacles courses is that you are able to run at least 5 kilometres nonstop. As this is longer than a lot of them, I decided I wanted to be able to run at least 10 kilometres nonstop just to try and increase my stamina and heart strength. I am doing all my runs on trails of varying muddiness, including that sucking kind of mud that seriously saps your strength. I also like to run on both gradual and steep inclines. In my opinion, running on a treadmill or even a pavement is not going to be close to preparing you for the Tough Mudder’s treacherous trails! I have been slipping in random sprints and bench dashes so that I am never comfortably thud-thud-thudding along. My favourite activity to break the monotony of an easy stretch of training run is to act along to the words of DJ Caspar’s ‘Cha-cha slide’. This is the ultimate in stamina tests, and it’s funny as hell to see people cautiously eyeballing you as you run past madly waving your hands in the air!

Climbing

 

Well, this is an obstacle course! That means there are going to be plenty of nets, ropes, frames and monkey bars to hoist yourself up or along. My first thought was that I seriously needed to increase my arm strength! I started going to the Park Gyms around North London, which are amazing sets of gym machines provided completely free in local parks by the council. These Park Gyms have arm and leg conditioning machines, pull up bars, bikes, sit up benches and stretch bars. If I have an hour to spare, I head here to use the machines. I also found a high set of monkey bars to practice on, which I tackled in all weathers from bright sunshine to blizzard conditions. Apparently in the Tough Mudder they grease the bars to amp up the challenge, so I wanted to be prepared for this.

Two to three times a week, I head off to outdoor Parkour classes with the London branch of Parkour Generations. As well as being all about the varying ways to efficiently manoeuvre over obstacles in your path, their conditioning sessions are absolutely killer. Without a doubt these classes have aided me in developing strength and agility within the real world (as opposed to an indoor gym environment).

Swimming

Embarrassingly, I had not swum for 14 years when I signed up to this challenge. Tough Mudder does have swimming sections. Although they provide an alternative for the non swimmers out there, I want to enter into the full experience. So I bought myself a new swimming costume online, and headed over to my local pool! Luckily, my body seemed to remember a little from before, so after a clumsy start and a few mouthfuls of water I got my bearings in the water. Tough Mudder requires you to swim through rivers, so stamina in the water is definitely needed! To this end, I built myself up to swim around with no stops to rest. I was using a low energy swimming stroke, the breast stroke. Now I can swim without resting for thirty minutes.

The cold water

 

Okay, so I’ve danced around it up until now. But the truth is that even at the start of summer, repeatedly dipping in and out of various bodies of water is going to be cold. For one thing, water takes a lot longer to warm and cool than air, so it is possible that it will retain the chill of the colder months. Then there is the notorious Artic Enema. This is essentially an ice bath that is kept at 1 degree Celsius and dyed with various colours. Halfway through, there is a board across with barbed wire across the top and an arrow pointing down. Yup, you have to go underneath the ice water. In preparation for this, I took my first trip down to the Parliament Hill Lido in early December last year for my first experience of cold water swimming. That day, along with a friend I had roped in for moral support, I trudged across the ice encrusted grass, changed into nothing but a swimming costume and a long sleeved skins top, and ventured out on the side of the frigid 5 degrees Celsius pool. Now I won’t go into the gory details of my first ice water adventure (unless someone requests specifically for it!), but suffice to say that it left me with numb toes, a resentful friend and no small amount of mental trauma. This is despite the fact that I didn’t even actually strike out to swim in the water! On my second venture into the freezing depths, I took with me a hardened ice swimmer contacted via the Outdoor Swimming Society Face book group. The pool temperature had dropped to 3 degrees Celsius, and I was essentially shamed into swimming as he was wearing only swimming trunks and couldn’t stand around to babysit me! That first strike out into the water took my breath away. Gasping for air, and flapping my arms, I lasted in the water about twenty seconds before I had to exit. Now, a few torturous visits later, I can swim a length in the water. Last time I even managed to dunk my head under – twice! To be very honest, this is not an enjoyable aspect of training for me! But each time I do it, it becomes slightly more bearable. I even completed a dip in the Scottish sea at Leven for the children’s charity Clic Sargent. I hope it will pay off on the day!

Mud training

I have done a few other mud runs, so this gives me an idea of the level of mud and cold involved. Now i'm going to times this by about ten! I have done a good proportion of training runs in Hampstead Heath in the pouring rain, which makes underfoot conditions much more treacherous and akin to the expected Tough Mudder conditions.  Now I have just attended my first muddy workout session in Ruislip forest with the Wild Forest Gym, and I plan to go back for more to get more mud training in. The Tough Mudder website actually suggests trying to run on a slippy indoor surface with two pieces of paper underneath your feet. This is just my opinion, but I don't think that is going to work! The only way to be truly prepared is to get out in the mud!

So this is my plan, and since I began formulating it in November I cannot believe how quickly the intervening months have flown by! But as they have passed, the training has been paying off. I feel stronger, more agile and more resilient to stress. Now, all I have to do is keep it up until May. Then I will see on the day itself if all the training has been enough to get me through my ultimate challenge.

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My experience at the Wild Forest Gym

The training spot

Today I found myself up at 6am, porridge in hand, with plans to go to the Wild Forest Gym in Ruislip. Why was I up so early? Well, looking at the journey a couple of days previously, I had estimated it would take me the best part of 2 hours to travel there in time for the ambitious start time of 9am. Fuelled up and ready to go, I undertook the epic journey to the forest! When I finally got there at 9.10, huffing and puffing and cursing my sense of direction, the other two members and the instructor Michael were already waiting for me. After a brief introduction, and a well placed rebuke regarding my orienteering skills, we got started.

The session began with an up-tempo dash through the muddy woods as a warm up, and I discovered that my pace was slower than the others as I began to fall behind. Making my best attempt to keep up as we jogged through calf high mud, I was embarrassed as one of the group members had to keep dropping back to keep me with the group. Running in this depth of mud is exhausting, and the feet slip sideways and behind you constantly, making balance precarious at best. Rounding a tree and splashing into a small river, instructor Michael threw some wisdom out. “This isn’t Mud!” He called back “It’s earth!”

Finally we stopped, all panting. Now was the time for instruction on moving through deep sucking mud. We went through the mud, our knees high and on the balls of our feet.  After some time we ended up at a central area with lots of structures and logs dotted about, clearly shaped a little into a training area. Time to get down on the ground! Following a faint trail around and over small logs and branches, we practiced crawling (using a type of ‘no knees’ movement similar to Parkour’s ‘Monkey Walk’), crabbing and frog hops. This section my legs were burning as I moved along, trying not to slow up those behind me too much! I was concentrating so much on this that actually avoiding smashing my face into a log was obviously beyond effort for me. Luckily I don’t think anyone else noticed!

Now time for arm strength. Wedged strong between the trees, a branch had been placed for just this purpose. We needed to jump up, grab the top of the branch, and hang there for as long as possible. Making an almighty leap, I bounded into the air..and slapped the sides of the branch. That’s it. No grip, no hold. Back to earth. Obviously I need to work on explosive power, as Michael lifted me up so I could reach the thing, then we all hung there for a while. “That’s it!” He said. “Just hang here, and listen to the birdsong.” At the periphery of my consciousness, the birds did indeed tweet. But mostly my mind was focused on my inner thoughts. ‘Do not drop’ they said with determination. ‘Do NOT be the first to drop’!  This time my focus won out. Another of the group members dropped first after about maybe 40 seconds. The next step was exhibiting core strength enough to bring our legs right up to the branch whilst still holding on. This was something I had done when practicing monkey bars, but it’s a lot harder when you can’t grip confidently. We did some practice on this, but each time I fell, I needed help to get back up on the branch. Even gloveless I couldn’t grip well!

 

Next was the log carry! This is an integral part of the Tough Mudder, and one I have to admit I haven’t really trained for. We each picked a log that we thought we could lift 4-5 times. Each time we lifted, we had to take a different grip on the log. It was whilst we were continually setting down and picking up our logs that I became aware that mine had quite an assortment of mould on it. It was only a matter of time...yep! Now I have mould down my top, and making its way into my bra. I surreptitiously picked it back out at an opportune moment. Good times. We assumed a carrying stance with our logs on our shoulders and went round in a route. Then we did it back again using the other shoulder. I discovered that my right shoulder is a lot bonier than my left shoulder. Good knowledge.

After this we practiced some safety rolls, for use when we inevitably trip on the course. I didn’t feel too bad at these, as I have recently practiced them at Parkour sessions. But I was told that I am too compact when I roll. Something else to work on! It was at this stage that another member of the group did a roll, and felt his shoulder go CRUNCH. He stood there for a second quietly holding his arm, and turned slightly pale. “Hey” I said “You okay?...”

“Hmmm” He said “I feel a bit sick now”. But he carried on with the session, just being careful with his shoulder after this.

 

Next we were drilling jumps, which is very difficult from jumps wall to wall in Parkour! We were jumping over the river, which progressively became wider and wider. Instructed to ensure we landed on the balls of our feet, we made our way along the bank jumping back and forth. In the later stages of this exercise, half the time I was landing in the river! Still, got to get used to being soaking wet if i’m going to make it through the 4^th of May!

The final part of the session was more running to finish off, but this time we took the muddy track, some steps bringing the pools up to your knees! “Just remember” said Michael. “These conditions are the BEST you are going to get on the day. The best, mind. Normally, it’s a lot worse!” We dived through the bush and brambles next to the pathway, using the techniques of movement learned earlier, getting used to crawling and scrambling through wet terrain.

Then, an hour and a half after it started, the training session was over! We made our way back to the car park, and I retrieved my bag from the car of one of the other group members who had kindly stashed it for me. As I went off to find a semi private spot to change into dry clothes, I saw the instructor Michael disappearing back off into the woods like Mowgli...

But of course this isn’t the end of it. The question is – would I go back? Well, as I clearly need more training in this type of terrain, yes I would. This was a free trial session, as it was the first time I had attended. After this, each class will cost £18 for an hour and a half. You can also buy blocks of classes with no time limit in which to use them up, and get a bit of a discount this way.  Further questions can be asked direct at their website: http://wildforestgym.wordpress.com/.

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