Parkour Generations Morzine 2013 Camp



Double Kong in progress!

 

This week just gone, I spent the time participating in a Parkour camp based in Morzine, and run by Parkour Generations. Here is my experience!

Saturday 20^th July 2013

I’m going to Morzine tomorrow! Right now I’m on my way to the Gatwick hotel. Damn, I’m achy! Had three weeks off all exercise as I got a really bad muscle pull. So a trip to the women’s beginner class has rendered me an invalid! Would like to swim and stretch, actually. I did a PKG workout of the day last night and managed to give myself blisters on both my hands! So now I’m loving the Savlon.

 Sunday 21^st July 2013

 

Chalet Philibert

Finally at the Chalet Philibert! It took a long time travelling here, but now am sitting clean, freshly clothed and out by the pool! After the flight there was a long wait time at the meeting point, but I used it to learn some French from Kevin and Annty! Now I’ve got a few more words under my hat! As I sit here I can see a hang glider in the nearby sky and hear church bells chiming. The wind is refreshing, but also a little chilly! So now I’ve moved inside to the little spa room. The chefs are making us dinner just now. I already took a little jaunt down to the town, where I bought some bread and pastries using my basically nonexistent French. With pointing, pretty much. It’s quite a steep way down. I am not looking forward to running up this! I hope my side holds up.

The town

We spent ages playing Jenga tonight – think it may end up being a sort of cult Morzine 2013 game! I started that shit, someone called me ‘Jenga Jenny’! Ehhh, definitely had worse nicknames. Then we had dinner, and then a big briefing where we all introduced ourselves, got a bit of the lowdown and took a group photo.

 Monday 22cnd July 2013



First day warmup

 

Just survived my first morning run! It was only a little way and mostly downhill, so not too bad. Afterwards we did some press-ups and squats. I was struggling to the max! My arms are wobbling now as I write, and that was supposed to be the gentle, easy start! And guess what, we were bowls in hand about to get breakfast, when five more surprise press-ups were sprung on us! Learned a bit more French whilst we were eating. I pretty much plan to leech French from the French speakers until they get supremely fed up of me!

River adventures

 

Just been out for a morning’s training. Some scary, some hard. We were split into four groups and all rotated around the groups. Each instructor took one group. Kevin did precisions, Shirley did rail vaults, Chris did rail balance and Andy did scary river bridge climbing. Andy’s was the scariest! Dodging along wet rocks and climbing up onto a bridge with the raging river and sharp rocks below! I tried not to use my knees, but as my arm strength is still severely lacking I had to. I also needed a boost to get up on the framework. I was scared to just jump and try to catch as the rocks were so slippery. Some of the stronger people were doing traverses out along and above the water. I traversed, but my feet were on the bridge. Right now it is rainy and thundery! I sort of hope it keeps up. I love this weather.

Muscle up

This afternoon we went down to a sports ground kind of place and played a game. We had to be the first person to win seven rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors. If you lost the forfeits varied from running to the basketball courts and back, over a fence to monkey walk, squats and press-ups. Once we had a few games of that we went to play a game with a rather dubious safety certificate. We stood on either side of this wooden structure and proceeded to throw rocks back and forth over the frame.  With a squat in between for good measure! Chris worked out later that he did approximately 300 squats in that time! I think ours worked out to about 240. Me old legs hurt! Because they were using different rocks to each other, Shirley and Chris were ducking through every other throw. It was during this time that I threw my rock astray and it fell about an inch away from Shirley’s head. So close I yelled out in fright! Everybody was like

“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry!”

I think I was pretty much still hyperventilating when we left there 40 minutes later. At one point a dog came galloping in amongst all the falling rocks! We had some confusion and everyone shouted for the game to stop so that the dog didn’t get hurt! So although for fitness this was a good game, I wasn’t a fan of the near misses. On the last day the coaches did mention the game and say they planned to make it safer next year.

At dinnertime we were introduced to the often nightly riddles that are presented by Andy and Chris. I won’t give any of these away here. They are more fun to play if they are introduced fresh!

After dinner we met again for some night training where the whole group didn’t speak and moved as silently as possible. I am getting confidence going over obstacles again!

 

Tuesday 23^rd July 2013

 

Strides and precisions

Extremely achy today! My whole body aches, my quads the worst. Soooo. At the end of a long day of training today (but not as long as yesterday!). In the morning we went for another run. This was a little bit longer than yesterday with some stairs thrown in for good measure. I struggled at first, but then I got warmed up a little bit and started to do okay I think. My main problem is that my quads have been literally dying all day from the rock squats yesterday! We played a cool little game where we had to get down to the ground in seven seconds, and then back up in seven seconds. This reduced to six, then five, down and down to one second! We also played a ‘Cat and Mouse’ game. You had several people lying in a circle in pairs. One person was the cat and one the mouse. When the mouse escaped it was by lying next to one person of a pair. Then the other person in the pair becomes the mouse and has to run.

Then we did some strides and precision jumps. I got a few pics of me jumping, pretty chuffed. I think my marker to jump from was a tiny bit too forward, as I did land most of the jumps. When Chris made me move it back I was like, Noooo, why?! I got a bit scared but I decided to give the jumps my full commitment so that I didn’t flake out.

Gymnastic rings

We did some ring work with gymnastic rings set up in the main church area. The most advanced were swinging about at height, grabbing the pillar, swinging round and going for the parallel set of rings. I was literally just swinging from one to the other and trying to land my second hand. Managed that about twice. The other part of that session was quadrepedal movement work with Shirley.  The first bit was a game where in QM you had to slap the other person’s hands ten times without getting slapped yourself. The second bit was crazy hard as it included backwards monkey walk upstairs. Embarrassing as I basically had to push up with my knees on every step. My legs are bruise-a-rama! I was paired with Leanne, who was much more capable than me.

QM games

We also did some climbing up rock faces covered with metal lattice and a normal building wall up to a balcony. First off I climbed the latticed rocks with Chris and Shirley. Chris knows that I am absolutely fucking terrified of heights. So was quite chuffed when despite much trembling I actually got to the top on the first try! The second one I bailed, but the third one I managed again! Then we swapped over to Kevin and Andy. As we were all just getting started a man came up and shouted.

“STOP!”

Then he started talking in angry French to Annty. Andy got really annoyed as the man was refusing to talk to him, and then the police were called! So we were forced to move on.

Wall climbing

Before we went up, we did a killer session with the small balls where we basically rolled the balls over various tight spots to try and roll out the muscle fibres. I don’t think I can even explain how much it hurts!

 Wednesday 24^th July 2013

 

Well, isn’t this nice. Actually having a bit of an afternoon break (scheduled of course!). I get to sit, chill out and write a bit. We had a bit more of a longer morning run today. It was long enough that it was getting to the stage of starting to find my flow and enjoy it! But right at that point, we stopped! Boooo. I thought we would be done then, but ohhh no. The next challenge was to traverse a long bridge either underneath or up on the railing. I could do neither. So had to put my feet on the railing and my hands on the bridge floor and traverse that way. Even so, I found it very difficult and dropped many times. In between traverses we had to do punishment squats because of the late people this morning. My problem is that often when these sorts of things are done, the count is so fast I do about one for every five counted as I can’t keep up! So end up doing less anyway. Other people I spoke to also said the count was really fast for them!

Hill sprints

After breakfast we were split into two groups. We went off to do hill sprints as we chose the hard option for today. I thought it would be sensible, as we were due to have the afternoon off today. We weren’t allowed to tell the other group what we had done all morning, under threat of having to do it again the next day! Between each sprint we were supposed to do pull-ups or at least negative pull-ups. But my muscle was playing up, so I asked for an alternative exercise just to be safe. I didn’t want to reinjure myself so that I can’t even train. The sprints themselves got higher and higher up the hill until I couldn’t do them in one. I was feeling pretty shitty about my sprinting ability, but somebody told me at dinner that they didn’t think I was too bad...chuffed at that!

Night training

In the night training, the main challenge was getting right across the long wooden bridge without making a sound. Any sound at all, and we all had to go back to the start and try again. As we went on the people in front were pointing at whichever boards on the bridge were making sound, and we had to pass it back along the line so that everyone knew. I think it took us about eleven attempts to get right along the bridge, and even then there were a few noises that Andy let slide. The funniest thing about this is that people were walking past us completely normally as we went and wondering what on earth we were doing! But we even had one randomer join in with us! To give him credit he took it seriously and really tried to stay silent.  I took my camera on this night session, but not sure it was appreciated. It went off by accident at one point and blinded half the people around me. At one point I laid it down to do an obstacle, and Kevin picked it up. He seemed rather reluctant to return it! Maybe I was not being Ninja-like taking touristy pics of everything! As part of the route people were doing a traverse along wooden beams maybe eight feet off of the ground. I was going to try it, but was worried I would not have the strength to do it. Later on at the end of the session, I popped back to the spot with Chris and tried it while Chris stood ready to catch me! But, no need. I got right along the beam without dropping once, even including a tricky middle bit where I had to transfer my hands about awkwardly. It didn’t even feel too physically difficult, just had a bit of the fear of dropping!

 Thursday 25^th July 2013

 

This morning we did some warm up with a game very similar to “What’s the time, Mr Wolf?”. Then we started out for our run...but aha! We only ran for a short way to a wall. Here we were told that as a whole group we had to do a thousand wall runs, plus 200 for the latecomers yesterday. I have a couple of problems with wall runs. One is that I always strike with the same foot, my left foot. The second is that I always strike the wall with my foot twisted. Even so, I tried to alternate legs and gave it my best shot! I now have massive bruises from my bad habit of slamming into the wall with both forearms. I did maybe 35-40 of the total amount, I think.

Slide Monkey

After breakfast today we got the easy option of working on various movement techniques. Andy was trying to teach getting out of the mindset of only ‘acquiring moves’ and leaning towards having the attributes to be open to all new moves. One game I was partnered with Annty with was ‘Start here, finish here’. You should try to use the start and end points and get there in one to two movements. I was trying to give super hard and inventive ones as I know Annty is a bit of a Parkour superwoman. Luckily she gave milder ones back! Then we headed over to the rails to play add-a-move. I’m pleased to say I’ve gained back the confidence to Lazy Vault over this height. But slide monkeys are still beyond me, unfortunately.

The Double Dragon

After the fun flips and tricks session, we had to monkey walk backwards up 650 metres of mountain. I’m not even kidding. This was very hard, very steep and had a lot of gravel which opened my blisters right up. Paedar was being amazing, counting out loud 10 steps and then 30 seconds rest. This was really the thing that got me through it. They call this challenge The Double Dragon. I think there are supposed to be two distinct sections of massive, torturous hill? But it all blurred into one. When the hardcores had finished they came back down to carry bags and bring water. I must have drunk about a third of Annty’s water in one swift gulp, she told me to slow down on it. About a third of the way up the hill, I was almost knocked out by a bag thrown from in front! I growled a little at that one, it almost knocked me out on the spot! The Double Dragon was finished up with twenty eight press-ups per person. After the challenge I felt really irrationally angry all through lunch. I tend to get very emotional after I do a hard physical challenge and still never know whether that means I will be sobbing (as at the end of Tough Mudder), hyper or raging.



Bar work

In the afternoon we did the dreaded Morzine Megaroute. I was so dreadful at this. It was so hot that the tarmac was literally melting and sticking to your shoes. I had zero energy. I couldn’t run uphill and could barely run down. I climbed up the wall on one section and then didn’t have the courage to jump across. Then I got told I was holding everyone up by staying on the wall. Wasn’t by choice! Literally couldn’t figure out how to get down. I had to be helped down. This route had so much uphill, with the sun beating down. I managed to slice my hand doing a wall run. Everyone running past me kept high fiving my still bleeding blisters! I have to say this is the one exercise that I genuinely found absolutely miserable. Running downhill at one point, Andy came past and asked if I was okay. I guess I must have looked like a sweaty mess!

“No!” I grumped as he passed. I was so slow, I only did the whole route one a half times before the session ended. Hmmm. Something to aim for next year!

Friday 26^th July 2013

 

Trekking up the mountain



Final day! A mixture of relieved and sad. At 5.30am we all got up as usual for our run, and were told that instead of that we would be spending the morning hiking right up to the top of the mountain. It was about a 10km hike I think, and very steep! It took about four hours. It was knackering! Every now and then we waited for a little while to rest and make sure we were all together.

 

Wild horses

Once we were right at the top we found a little herd of semi wild horses! They were very skittish, but did allow some petting. They also had a foal with them. Here at the top of the mountain we placed something very special. If you are going to the Morzine camp next year you may find out what. We all got a picture at the top of the mountain too. We stayed here maybe 20-25 minutes and then all made the descent down. Most of the people took the ski lifts down, including all the instructors. Some people walked down, either due to lack of money, fear of heights or just keenness. Everyone was faster than me, and I was left on my own walking down the mountain. At first it was alright, but then it got a little miserable as my feet hurt and the sun was beating down. In hindsight, I think it would have been good for one of the instructors to walk back down the mountain with those choosing that route. Halfway down, two other students came back up to fetch me and walk me back! I felt pretty tired and was definitely slowing them down considerably. I felt so grateful that they came back. If not I think I would have just sat down. When we finally got back to the chalet and walked in, everyone was already there enjoying their lunch. The whole crowd of people clapped. I really wish I had taken a back entrance...I was embarrassed that I was last and more than a little miffed at being left up a mountain. Also feeling really ill at that point. I was so thirsty I drank about ten glasses of water in the same amount of minutes, which promptly returned back to the world in a not so pleasant fashion.  So er, yeah...not quite as hardcore as I could be yet.

Backwards roll

In the afternoon, after a bit of a sleep, we all went back out for a slightly more relaxed session of rolling and drops. I was keen to get back into it after the mountain fiasco. But as I did a roll I felt my back go! Dammit! Instantly I knew I would not be able to carry on as my back was radiating a sharp pain whenever I leaned slightly to the right. It is still there now. It had better bloody recover quicker than the other muscle pull. I don’t want to be out for that long again. But the injury meant I got to see an amazing festival performance happening in the middle of Morzine, with stilts and scarves and fire!

In the evening we had a little ‘End of Morzine’ talk after dinner and a final photo. Many of the people after that went on the night training. I had planned initially to go to every session, but had to miss that one as I couldn’t move well at all. A bag of ice was my good friend!

 Morzine on the whole

 

Coaches Kevin, Andy, Chris and Shirley

I loved the physical challenges of the camp, and it is inspiring to see those with greater skill and try and leech some ideas and skills from them. As always with the Parkour Generations team, innovation was in abundant supply, and many things were sprung last minute which is a great way to do things! Also, let’s face it, watching people who are good at Parkour is always pretty fricking cool. The food was great, I thought, and plentiful. The chalet rooms were great as well and each had a little shower in the room. I do tend to be a little bit of a grumpster if I’m in company for extended periods of time, so this is the one aspect of the camp I found difficult. I didn’t have time to ‘reset’ back to normality. So definitely found the challenges more mentally challenging approaching the end due to this aspect. I am looking forward to coming back to the camp next year and will have hopefully improved enough to be better at the challenges!

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Wing-Walking with the Breitling Wing-Walkers

Loving the ride!

It is only when I am fully and securely strapped into the harness that the full realisation of the situation dawns on me. I am currently attached to the outside wing of a small plane, and ready to undertake a very scary mission – a daredevil flight across the skies in this very position! Behind me, the pilot sits calmly waiting to go. He has done this many times before with no incident, and has already flown a couple of other people before me. Seeing the others complete their flight, filled with sharp banks and dips, I could feel my bravado drain a little.

“Please” I pleaded to the captain in sudden desperation. “Keep it a little bit tame for me! Unless I am whooping and waving like crazy!”

Yup, I just used the word ‘tame’ in relation to Wing-Walking. It is at this very moment that I am cursing my friend Fiona who first introduced the idea to me. She had casually brought it up in the prep room at work, followed by an almost instantaneous Jenny leaping into her lap (metaphorically).

“Wing-Walking?!” I shrieked, bounding across the room and mildly startling all within it (although only mildly, as people are used to my unpredictable displays of enthusiasm). “That sounds awesome!” I continued on. “Can I come? When? Where? Price?!”

 

Very scared beforehand!

I am reminded of this as I stand on top of the plane with my stomach churning. It is already too bloody late to back out now, at least without a shame spiral ensuing. Plus, I knew that as soon as I did it, I would have regretted it.

“In and locked” I hear one of the expert Wing-Walkers say to the pilot. She has strapped me all in and explained the safety protocols. If I want to get down all I have to do is raise both my arms with the thumbs pointed down, and the plane will land immediately. I will never do that, I determine. Although once I was shown the incredibly complicated mechanism for opening the harness, I was a bit worried that I would go mad mid-flight, and just open it for funsies. Even writing about that now is giving me the shivers.

Finally the engine started noisily below me, making me glad of the earplugs. The plane turned slowly and started to chunder away from the main area, across a bumpy field. As it went I was wobbling about loads in the harness. At my request the Wing-Walker had pulled it so tight I barely had circulation! But I still felt like it was very loose.

I needn’t have worried. As the plane turned and began to make its run up to take off, the wind flattened me back against the frame with an amazing force. Before I knew it we were airborne! The ground below us sank down, and we were rushing above it.

Amazing. I gazed with awe down at the diminishing fields, catching sight of my feet in the same glance. They were so firmly on the wing I’m surprised they didn’t press a hole through it! The wind took my breath away as I tried to shout out. It blustered wildly about my head and streamed past my watering eyes. My hands were locked onto two supporting metal wires in a death grip as we circled a building (despite the fact that without the harness, my grip would have done nothing at all). We did our first pass round near the people assembled on the ground.  

Our plane

“Woot!” I shouted rather inaudibly, and managed to raise one arm for a wave. As soon as we had passed them, I instantly clamped my hand back down.

We did loads of circles, and as a few minutes went by, I was feeling braver. I started to raise my arms more and yell out various enthusiasms and expletives. No one could hear me of course, but shouting against the ferocious wind was strangely liberating. I didn’t want to go too mad, though, for fear that the pilot might amp up the stakes a bit. It was amazing enough as it was! Geed on by my relaxing a little, we did a couple of sharp banks left and right.

Finally, after ten minutes stomach dropping, wind whistling, death defying fun, the plane carefully landed with a little bump. It was a nice, gentle landing, and I can’t deny that I was pleased that the plane was back on solid earth!



Me with the two experts

 

The Wing-Walker came up to unstrap me, and I unsteadily made my way down. As I got to the ground I shook the pilot’s hand gratefully and thanked him. Then I stumbled off back towards the main hut and the tea!

Now, here are the things you have to remember if your curiosity has been piqued by the idea of Wing-Walking:

1.    It is very expensive. £400 for a ten minute flight. That does not, of course, include costs for trains/petrol, food, etc. They also add a £5 charge if you want to have the video of your experience to keep.

 

2.    It’s very high. Yes, I know you know this logically, but it won’t really hit you until you’re up there. So if you have a debilitating fear of heights it may not be for you. I, of course, ignored this and did it anyway. ;)

 

 

3.    It is awesome – factoid. More people have climbed Mount Everest than have done a Wing-Walk. You should definitely do this!

 

Here is the website to go to if you want to try this out:

http://www.aerosuperbatics.com/

And here is me doing it! Happy watching!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyM2OK3yDto&feature=youtu.be

 

 

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My first experience of diving!

Me and Oli all good underwater!



 “I can breathe!” This is the first thing that I thought as I crouched down under the water. Maybe not a particularly profound thought, but still, it is a cool feeling looking up at the water’s surface and sucking in oxygen at the same time…

This was my first ever diving experience! It is something that I have wanted to do for a long time, despite how scary it is. For this adventure I managed to rope in my best friend Oli, who was also really looking forward to it! She is going travelling with her other half soon (Sob! I’ll miss her!), and hopes to do some diving, so it was great for her to try it out. We were joined by a Father and Son who were doing the Try Dive as a combined birthday present for them both. The session began with quite possibly the longest safety briefing I have ever listened to in the history of safety briefings! Even though I was itching to get in the water and get started, I was impressed at how thorough this was. We got a chance to ask any questions about things we didn’t understand or that worried us, and everything was explained well. The most important thing, as the instructor explained to us, was that you cannot hold your breath when you are breathing compressed air. It’s because your lungs expand as you come up from depth to the surface, and if they are already full of air they have the potential to overinflate (sounds similar to anaesthetic barotrauma in veterinary medicine). Scary stuff!

After the briefing we went through and got kitted up in all the gear, including a short wetsuit, face mask, flippers and our vests with the air attached. There were several things to learn here. A fun thing was that the vest can fill with air or release it, in order to buoy you up or allow you to sink with the weights in the vest. There is a button for each (Ooh, a button!), so I had myself a fun few minutes sending myself up and down in the water! There is also an air mouthpiece with a button (Oo…no, I think it’s probably only funny once) to clear water from it, which makes an almighty noise! As well as this you have a mask on your face which encompasses your eyes and nose. It feels very odd at first not being able to breathe through your nose as normal. But once you are underwater it is obviously better! We were also told that you have to equalise the pressure on the ears regularly as you go to depth by holding the nose and blowing out. It wasn’t too bad as we were only going to be swimming at a maximum depth of 1.8 metres in the swimming pool. But in a deeper environment you are supposed to do it often as you descend. The next thing to learn was the famous diver hand signals. We all know the ‘Ok’ signal (used as a question or a confirmation depending on the context), but there is so much more to learn! This includes the signals for ‘Not Ok’ (a wibbley hand), ‘Kneel’, ‘Follow Me’, ‘Let’s Go Up’ and more! It was great fun learning and using these hand signals.



Getting ready to start

With all this learnin’ on board, it was finally time to try it out! This was when I got my first experience of how utterly weird it is to breathe underwater. We all had to take some air out of our vests and kneel on the bottom (harder than it sounds with flippers attached!), and then Jon gave us each an ‘Ok’ signal, which we responded to. Then we had to press out button to get rid of any water clogging up the mouthpiece for the air (this probably has a proper name, but it eludes me right at this moment).

The ‘Follow Me’ signal came from the instructor, and then we weren’t just sitting underwater sucking compressed air; we were swimming at the same time! Swimming with flippers is really bloody difficult when you consider that you might accidentally kick someone in the face with the business end by accident. Then there’s the technique of it. You’re supposed to rhythmically stroke each leg up and down and fold your arms in front of you to glide forward. I did an awkward, jerky ‘frog’s legs’ motion forward and shimmied my arms like a failing attempt at hoola hooping. Amazingly enough, this actually did work, at least partially. I started going forward. All the time, I was trying to remember ‘Don’t hold your breath, don’t hold your breath, don’t hold your breath’. After breathing the compressed air for a while, it doesn’t half make your throat dry.

Swimming through hoops!

We crawled along the bottom of the pool (I don’t think we were meant to be crawling, but it takes some time to get the buoyancy of the jacket right), and down to the deep end. I had to equalise my ears a couple of times as we descended. We did a circuit around and then back up to the shallow end. Here, we had a brief review whilst Steve and Jon checked that we were all okay, and then we went under again. This time it was for much longer! We swam about, went through hoops and even played some underwater Frisbee. I even thought I was getting the hang of swimming about with a bit more ease. I did have a bit of a panic when my mask started to fill with water, and despite fiddling with it I didn’t know how to get it to dissipate. Karen, one of the instructors, flashed me an ‘Ok’ signal, but I was a bit too panicky to answer! I made a beeline for the surface, and came up lifting my mask to try and drain it out. I had enough forethought at least to inflate my jacket so that I bobbed with not too much difficulty on the surface. Karen came up alongside me.

“You okay?” She smiled.

“Sorry.” I replied. “A little bit of panic there!”

She showed me how to clear my mask of water, and we went back down.

Later on, Oli told me at this point that she had no idea what was going on, or what the instructors might have been trying to correct or teach. In her words:

‘I was just sitting on the bottom of the pool puffing away on my air, and trying to work out what everyone was doing. At one point, the two instructors kept flashing the ‘Ok’ signal at me, which I was doing back to show I was fine. But then they kept doing the ‘Not Ok’ signals at each other and looking at me with concern. I kept trying to sort of convey with my eyes that “No, I’m fine! I’m okay!” But it turns out that doesn’t come across too well underwater.’

Me and Oli with our Try Dive certificates!

After about an hour and a half in the pool, playing, swimming and posing for photos, we finally all surfaced again and it was the end of the session. I thought it was amazing, especially when I used my weight jacket properly and got a little round of underwater applause from Jon. I will definitely be coming back for more (once my exams are out of the way), so watch this space!

Blubububub...

 

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The post race slump (or, The One in which you lose all your momentum)

Tough Mudder done!

Sometimes, in the last week, I can’t believe that I’ve actually successfully completed Tough Mudder. I’ve spent the last 6 months obsessing over it. Training hard, increasing my running and swimming distances, immersing myself in ice water and obsessively watching obstacle videos from previous Tough Mudders. My friends have heard nothing from me but how I’m doing this or this due to Tough Mudder, how I can’t drink as I’m training tomorrow and how increasingly nervous I am becoming as the time of the race grew near.

This is the dangerous thing about focussing so much on one race. Because on Sunday morning after the race, I woke up, partly crippled and sporting several bruises, and the whole obsession had stopped. It had been replaced by fatigue, relief, pride and a lifting of the mystery veil that had been hanging over the race. I spent the whole day lying in my bed in pyjamas, eating everything in my kitchen and intermittently trying to scrub semi permanent marker off of my arm. And thinking. Remembering the race. Smiling at some parts of it (the hug I received from a complete stranger when I burst into tears at the end of it) and winching at others (the realisation that had I fallen backwards at one point of my human gecko traverse, my foot was jammed in such a way that I would surely have snapped my ankle).

Meandering around on recovery day

On Monday, the Bank Holiday, I headed out to limp around London a little. Gentle walking, I thought, is surely enough exercise for someone who still can’t bend her knee. I headed out to Westminster Bridge, ambled through the busy Southbank area, then wandered round the canal trails of Westbourne Park (hoping the find the infamous Parkour Generations Leap Park). I sunbathed and ate in cafes and took random photos. There was no urgency to start training or rush somewhere. I haven’t had a day like it, so free from internal expectations, for a long time.

Eventually, I found myself in Oxford Street, wandering through a glitzy HMV. This is where I did something that may have been a mistake - I bought arcadey PS3 game Lollipop Chainsaw. Some of you may know that previously, my slightly addictive personality was focussed on gaming – a lot of it. I especially love original games, with new ideas and new styles of game play (Okami springs to mind). I used to spend hours and hours playing games, getting 100% of special levels and Easter eggs. So it was definitely a dangerous move on my part to buy something new.

Lollipop Chainsaw, my new obsession

Back home, I switched on my PS3 for the first time in over a year. I finally stopped playing at about 2am (my alarm clock was set for 6.15 am). I could feel my gaming obsession switching back on a little, and my fitness obsession receding slightly.

But, now that I’ve started with a more active outlook, a more active life, I don’t want to stop! I don’t want to go back to being the girl who can’t run for more than 30 seconds. No way! I quite like the idea of being a survivor of the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Plus, I love running. Once you are in your stride, the feeling of the world flowing around you, your breathing calm and regulated, your muscles working strongly together – no thought in that time but the desire to keep going. That feeling, no game can replicate. I love races too. The build up of excitement, the start line the camaraderie with other runners. The event villages are pretty sweet too!

But despite this, I know that I can relax a little now. I don’t have the constant thought that if I don’t train hard enough every day, week on week, that I will surely fail the challenge. Instead, I can afford a little time to really enjoy running with less pressure. I don’t need to fret if I have the occasional unplanned day off. I can spend it slaying zombies for a better high score, planting thousands of Farmville crops and, maybe occasionally, breaking into my college work (we’ll see about that last one!).

The next challenge!

Don’t count me out of the race scene, though. Tough Mudder may have been the biggest one so far, but it wasn’t the first, and it certainly won’t be the last. Want to know how I know that? Weeellll, I sort of, kinda already booked in for the Wolf Run in September. Better get training, then. Damn.

Flatt7

Tough Mudder - my toughest challenge yet!



Mid Mudder!

Right now, I’m sitting in my bed, with barely functional legs and my race number still partially visible on my arm. Even though walking is a little bit of an issue, I feel both proud and relieved. For yesterday I undertook the challenge that I have been training towards for the best part of six months – the Tough Mudder! Hoo-ra!!! Ahem, excuse me, got a little carried away there. This race consists of just under 12 miles, and 22 kickass obstacles. So, the big question is, after so much anticipation, how did I rate it?

Starting out with beautiful weather, it turned just about 40 minutes before my start time, with torrential rain appearing out of nowhere! This was the weather I started the Tough Mudder in, but as I went along, this did alternate with sunny and cloudy periods. But before we started, we had to get warmed up! The warm up was short with lots of focus on team spirit (I had to hug, hand hold and kiss the cheek of a random bloke next to me!). Then we were required to take the Tough Mudder pledge, which focuses on bravery and team spirit. We were told that the signal for someone that needs assistance is them holding their arms in an X above their head, and if we see it we should do the same so the course Marshalls notice and can help. Then there was some mildly disturbing encouragement to chant out retail brand names, which I did not join in with.

Tough Mudder has a witty sense of humor

The course overall, as expected, was extremely muddy and slippery! At some points, not one single person was able to run without tasting the mud. At others, you could get a sort of half speed awkward trot over the mud. Many people were sliding down on their bum on the downhill mud, a technique I embraced with no care to any aspect of dignity; when it’s this muddy, avoiding accidental injury is the main aim! At one point, I saw a guy try to use a large branch as a sort of walking stick – he slipped almost instantly and came very close to impaling himself on it. Luckily he abandoned his stick after that close call. There were also good sections with more grip. These were drier parts of the country trail, gravel paths and some roads that wound very close to the event village. These are absolutely vital in my opinion to create an opportunity to build up some body heat. Dipping in and out of rivers was par for the course, and also several of the obstacles are water obstacles, so it was easy to get cold quickly if you weren’t aware of this creeping up on you. I spoke to one person whose friend had been taken off of the course with first stage hypothermia, and I very much doubt they were the only one. Comedy signs were set up all the place, with witticisms such as “If you’re huffing and puffing now, we feel sorry for your better half!” and “Get running, my Grandma just passed you.” At about a third of the obstacles speakers had been set up to blast music out, which is very motivational! At the more dangerous ones Marshalls and standby paramedics were present. The Marshalls would cheer you on, encourage you and also reassure you if you were a bit freaked out (as I frequently was during this event!). Everyone was looking out for everyone else on the course – it was the friendliest race I’ve ever run in! If you look like you’re flagging, have difficulty with an obstacle, are limping or have stopped, guaranteed everyone running past would pause to check you were okay. It’s actually bringing a tear to my eye thinking about it (I blame the fatigue!). At the obstacles swathes of runners were waiting for five minutes past their completion of it to help those behind them, even those not in their team. In my case, I found it difficult to haul 80kg guys up the Berlin Walls, but I did stop at a few riverbeds to provide a sure handhold for those coming up behind me. The water and refreshments stands were amazing at this event! I lost count of how many there were, but they came up so often I was never in too much risk of cramp from low fuel. They had half bananas and water tanks. At one of the final stands, a Marshall offered to feed me the banana as I was so muddy! Unfortunately I had eaten so much mud by then I literally couldn’t have cared less about food hygiene! So I took it with my muddy glove and devoured it. Let’s just say it was, um, a little crunchier than bananas usually are. Near the end of the course the route went straight through a field of sheep, which were running about with their lambs in tow. One ewe was making a beeline for runners, and only a panicked sprint took me out of her path – do not mess with mothering ewes, just trust me on that! Plus, my mum used to foster a female sheep, I can tell you being head butted by one hurts quite a lot! Would be interested if anyone didn’t manage to avoid the sheep on the unofficial 23^rd obstacle, Gauntlet of Sheep.

But this is the Tough Mudder, and I know what you guys really want to read about – the obstacles! For those of you that have just completed one, you may be nodding in agreement. For those of you about to run one, this should be a good way to swot up on what to expect!

Arctic Enema

The very first obstacle. Yup! This obstacle requires you to jump into a pit of freezing water, and then duck your head under a wooden board with barbed wire on top. So I thought it was lovely that they put it right at the start where you would have no chance to warm up (note sarcasm). I did ice water swimming in preparation for this, so I was aware that jumping into ice water is roughly akin to jumping into a large bucket full of acid. When I got to the top of the step I could see the dip was narrow enough to allow you to use the sides to swing yourself further out before you dropped into the water. You can’t hesitate, you can’t think. Without pause I swung myself out and down – splash! My head went under the water for a split second as I landed, then I bobbed up, gasping. There were no actual chunks of floating ice as I have seen in videos of previous Tough Mudders. But I think it’s possible they had melted slightly from others going through. But believe me, it was plenty cold! Now I was in front of the middle board. Here it is possible to get stuck. The longer you stand there, the more everything freezes, the more you can’t work up the courage to dunk your head. I took one, two, three deep breaths, then...UNDER! Once on the other side it is just a matter of sploshing to the other side and hauling yourself out. A great thing about the cold is that afterwards for about a mile your legs feel great and unstoppable (because they are numb!).



The freezing cold ice bucket!

Kiss of mud

This is a crawl through a muddy lane with barbed wire above and around you. It is flanked either side by almost swamp like conditions that came right up to my knees. I found this one pretty easy, and even had a sort of unspoken race with the guy crawling one lane over from me. I won – just saying. :P

Walk the Plank

This is a jump from a 15 foot high tower into a deep body of water. Anyone who has known me for more than about ten minutes is aware I have quite a crippling fear of heights, so as we went up the steps I found myself chanting “Oh God, oh God, oh God...”. They pair you up for the jump on adjacent edges, I presume it’s so that the other person can call out if you’re in the middle of drowning. Here the Marshalls are right at the end of the drop too, giving people stop or go signals. Well, if you were jump too soon, you would land straight on top of another person who’s still struggling to the surface! As I got right up to the drop I knew I couldn’t do it, but another part of me (possibly my Tough Mudderness, if there is such a thing!) overrode that, and before I knew it, I had jumped! Straight down I went, then I was underwater. Water was pushed into my nose as I entered the water, though I think I had the foresight to close my mouth and my eyes. In this moment, another from long ago flashed up in my memory. In my teens, I had gone white water rafting with my sister, and at one point the whole boat tipped back and delivered everyone into the raging stream. I fell upside down, and had no knowledge of which way was up or down to know which way to kick. Then my lifejacket brought me to the surface. This time, I had no lifejacket, but a lot more wherewithal. A couple of hard kicks and I broke the surface with a surge of relief. Then only a few strokes brought me close to the net and I hauled myself out, coughing and spluttering.

Island Hopping

These are wobbly islands kept in line by a strong length of rope. As you jump from island to island, they can buck sideways or sink completely under just by virtue of their instability. A sign on the side of them said “If you fall off, stay off!” In that case, you have to swim the rest of the river across. I knew my relatively light weight would help me here. I easily jumped across to each one, landing in a crouch then moving over to the next. The final jump across to the riverbed was slightly too far for my ability, so a short wade at that point saw me safely on the other side.

Glory blades

These are climbing walls, but they have been inverted towards you so you have to climb at a leaning back angle, and then (in my case, anyway) do an undignified belly slide on the other side. Many people were boosting or pulling each other up these.

Underwater tunnels

Rows of plastic barrels are strung together, and floated over water. Then you have to make your way under them. The main risk here was the time underwater was much longer than for the head dip of arctic enema. Many people were lifting themselves up or feeling underneath to check the distance. On the first set I came up too soon and bashed my head. Then had to keep going underwater without screaming! I felt a little disorientated when I came up from it. If anyone has ever tried to surface only to find something above them, they will know how frickin’ horrible it is! For the others I was a little more careful and swam further to clear the barrels.

Human Gecko



This is essentially a climbing wall spanning sideways over a body of water. I was still a little freaked out from the other water obstacles, so didn’t fancy going in again. So I didn’t half grip tight as I edged my way across. From all around I could hear sudden splashes and cheers as person after person took an unexpected dunk. I actually think my ice climbing helped a little bit here. As others were being directed this way or that by helpful Mudders around them, I could see the path pretty clearly, so only had to focus on keeping a good grip. I would say this is the one obstacle which tested my arm strength the most, mostly because of my bloody minded determination.

 

Electric Eel

No. Who the hell thought this shit up?? A thin layer of water with electrical wires hanging above it. Tough Mudder had a bypass for those who had metal plates or pacemakers in their body, but unfortunately I had to go through. I can tell you right now that being shocked makes your whole body spasm in a very unpleasant way. If it’s bad enough a face plant is very possible. I crawled through on my belly and each time I got shocked, let out a frankly bloodcurdling scream. On the right of me a guy shot through, accidentally swinging all of the wires towards me. This brought me very close to the tears, and I’m fairly sure I swore profusely at him! Even after my torrent of screaming, he still stayed to guide me through the rest and even held the final one aside for me! Blimey! All is forgiven, dude.

Boa Constrictor

Tunnels with a thin layer of water at the bottom. Obviously designed to be able to accommodate the bulkiest of men if he was writhing through on his stomach, I found myself able to crawl happily on hands and knees! A fun and fast obstacle.

Dirty Ballerina

Imagine large pits you have to jump across. Imagine about seven of them. Imagine treacherous muddy landings. Now imagine that if you don’t do it fast enough, someone with slightly more enthusiasm than foresight is going to go barrelling into the back of you. Yeah. Ever aware of the risk, I went across as fast as I possibly could, almost sliding into the pits in front with my landings. I saw one girl do some incredibly painful looking splits with one foot on top and one in the pit, then go limping off onto the side.

Firewalker

This was meant to be leaping through fiery and smoky pits. In fact, I can see in some pictures that other people did do it. But when I arrived at this obstacle there seemed to be no clear way into it, and all the runners went around the side. Not sure if they closed it or there was just some confusion? Shame.

Getting down and muddy

 

The Mud Miles

There were two of these, and can I say hands down my favourite bit of the course! Just basically alternating piles of mud and muddy water, up and down, up and down. Scrambling up and down these was so fun. On the first mud mile I saw several people doing the arm X that was described earlier, but I couldn’t see who the person in distress was! Hopefully, they were helped, after about half a minute all the Xs went down. On the second mud mile I felt a little guilty as I saw a confused beetle splashing about in the mud pit, but didn’t stop to rescue him like I normally would. Hope he survived the Tough Mudder!

Trench Warfare

 A belly crawl through an enclosed muddy trench. What they don’t tell you is the floor of the trench is covered with jaggy rocks. Painful!

Hold Your Wood

A short log carry up and around a hill. There were little logs for us loners, and long ones for the teams. Damn my bony shoulders! I shouldered it for about halfway, swapped shoulders, then ended up carrying it like a precious handbag clutched to my chest. Still, I’m very glad I practiced this one.

Log Jammin’

A simple obstacle in which you have to climb up a wall of logs, then duck under the next one, a few times in a row.

Hero Carry

In this obstacle you have to pick up another person and carry them through the section. As I approached this I was running alongside a team of burley men who were regarding the approaching section with some apparent dread. “So” I said “I weigh 50 Kilograms. Who wants to carry me?”

“Dibs!” came a voice back very quickly. Taking a fire-fighter’s hold on me, we started off. What I actually hadn’t realised was that we were supposed to swap halfway! Until one of his friends informed me... “Are we realistically going to swap?” I asked the brave Mudder carrying me. “I weigh 14 stone” He replied. For those of you trying to convert this, it’s almost 90 Kilograms, or the same weight as a small lion. We decided to keep the carry one way.

Hero Walls

These are just massive 12 foot walls, with no way to grip, and covered in mud from other Mudders. Here, my thanks have go out to the team with the pink tassley t-shirts, who basically bodily hauled me up two of them, and called me a ‘Beast’ for running the Tough Mudder solo. I only saw one person get up these walls on their own. ONE, and I must have watched a hundred people go through. This is truly a team obstacle.

Funky Monkey

Monkey bars! Oh, but not just monkey bars. Monkey bars greased with god knows what, and suspended above yet another muddy dip. It took me only 2 bars before I got reacquainted with the water. I saw several people make it across, but a lot of people fall 6 or 7 bars in. No women made it right across the bars when I was there, but I’m sure they did over the course of the day.

Cage crawl

This is a new obstacle for Tough Mudder as far as I’m aware, and a very inventive one! Ditches of muddy water have a long section of cage wire placed over them. The water goes very close to the cage so you have to get on your back, let your legs trail along behind you and pull yourself along with your hands on the wire above you. A few pulls in, the water level raises and covers your ears, so only the very front of your face is not submerged. Once you’re halfway through the trench there is no way out. It’s all enclosed, and someone has already started behind you. If you stop, they’re going to bump into you with their head and you’ll both panic. So even though I could feel rising panic and fear, I just kept going. Some of these trenches were dyed colours such as red or green, so on the other side the ground was a kaleidoscope of all the colours!

Everest

Ahh, the infamous Everest. I bet that if you are interested in Tough Mudder, you have already heard of this and seen videos aplenty. But for those that haven’t, it is basically a huge curved wall. The aim is to sprint at the wall with your arms raised, and one of helpful Mudders at the top will grab you and pull you up. A commentator was on the wall, cheering on the Mudders and reassigning those helping at the top so it was an even spread. It was taking many people multiple attempts to get up, so there was a long queue for it. It was here that many people began to seriously feel the wind bite them. People were jumping up and down to stay warm. I felt it myself, and started shivering. I was just hoping I got my chance at Everest before all my muscle coordination had gone. To improve the grip, I rolled up my sleeves, and dried my hands and arms on the nearby grass. Then, finally it was my turn! I sprinted at the wall as hard as I could, and managed to grab two guy’s arms. They pulled me partway, then a third grabbed my leg and they rolled me up!

Electroshock Therapy

A short section of hanging electrical wires. You’re supposed to dash through bravely, but having had my first taste of what being shocked felt like earlier I tried to use a duck and dive technique. Sliding through the mud on my belly still didn’t help me however. I got shocked several times, each feeling worse than the last.  Not as bad as the later runners though, who had to deal with a large tank sprinkling water over them as they went through!

Finally I made it through, and went through the finish banner. In total, the Tough Mudder course had taken me 4 and a half hours! Immediately I burst into tears, a combination I think of fatigue, relief and quite how much I actually hate being shocked. A group of people gave me a big hug, an example of the amazing sense of community there was.



Extremely emotional at the end of Tough Mudder!

Now, think carefully. Has this made you want to do a Tough Mudder? If so, great! But make sure you prepare long and hard for it. This is no easy feat, and if you enter without adequate training you more than likely will feel miserable after the first 3 miles. I enjoyed it a lot, but there were aspects where you definitely need, as Tough Mudder puts it, ‘Mental grit’. But if you’re sure you have it, great! I’ll see you at the next Tough Mudder! ;)

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